hundraprocentigt

- "Not even 2012, paranormal activity, shooting, bomb attacks, or failing a class is more terrifying than seeing 5 missed calls from mom."

- "A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?.. He looked at her from head to toe and replied: your sense of humor"

- "A husband and wife were setting up a password for their new computer. The husband put 'mypenis' and the wife fell on the floor lauging because it said "Error, not long enough"

- "Mom: Oh my gosh, how is your hair so soft?!
Me: Its a secret.
Mom: Tell me. Now.
Me: I.... I....
Mom: YOU WHAT?!?!
Me: I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH, I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

- "Dear Spongerbob,
You are yellow, cant drive, and practice karate. We have come to the conclusion that you are asian."

- "*boy whispers to his mom during a wedding*
boy: "Mommy?"
mom: "What?"
boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?"
mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life."
boy: "... so why is the boy dressed in black?""

- "Ok, if we get caught, pretend we don't speak english.'' ... ''What happened here?!?'' ''No hablo ingles!'' ''Oh que paso?....RUUUUN!!"

- "Learn Chinese in 5 minutes! (say it out loud ;D )

1. Thats not right
(Sum Ting Wong)
2. See me ASAP
(Kum Hia Nao)
3. Small horse
(Tai Ni Po Ni)
4. You need a facelift
(Chin tu fat)
5. I thought you were on a diet
(Wai Yu Mun Ching)
6. He's cleaning the car
(Wa Shing Ka)
7. Your body odour is offensive
(Yu Stin Ki Pu)
8. This is a tow away zone
(No Pah King)
9. Great!
(Fa Kin Su Pah)"

- "A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK,I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.*Robot slaps mom*"

- "Boy: So, sex at my place?
Girl: Yah!
Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we're making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
Girl: OK?
~Later~
Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH åh herregud, döööööör lite här va ? älskar den sista mest, fy fan vad klockren !